We all have should and have to. ‘’I have to clean the house every day’’; ‘’I must help others even if I am tired….’’
We get this life rule from others while we grow up and sometimes due to conclusions which we have from certain event in our lives. This rule cause us to aim for a high unrealistic goal and engage in more self- comparison. It also promotes our inner critical thinking. When we cannot meet this rule we feel like we are wrong, not enough or have failed. This lowers the self- esteem. How to start tackling this?
Write down a list of your “should’s”, must have to and think about all aspects of your life, at home, work, in relationships, friendships, community, how to parent etc.
Select first those rules that cause you shame and guilt or inner conflict.
Explore each rule by answering these questions:
Are the rules a reflection of black and white thinking?
Are these rules flexible ?
Do they enhancing my life or inhibit me? Do they make me feel better about myself? In what way?
Who makes them obligatory and are they indeed?